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Chapter 92: A Prank Targeting a Professor
"Alright, everyone, why exactly have we gathered here?"
"Oh, come on, George. There are only a few of us. What 'everyone' are you talking about?"
Lee Jordan yawned, trying to cool down the indignant Weasley Twins.
It was Tuesday, and they had just endured three straight long classes. The moment they got a break, they were dragged into this empty classroom. Weren't the chairs in the Common Room soft enough?
"The situation is dire—Lee, do you really think we'd joke with you about an emergency like this?"
"Of course you would, George. The school year has just begun. I'm already on Filch's list, you two are saddled with detention, and as for them, the one with the least trouble has lost ten points for our House."
Lee Jordan bluntly shot them down.
The small group had forged a deep friendship in Filch's office; they were all good mates who had served detention together, so there was no need to mince words.
"You don't understand, Lee. The situation is so dire it's more terrifying than detention. Not even the secret passages of Hogwarts can save us now."
Fred rested a hand on Lee Jordan's shoulder, announcing with grave importance.
"I am here to announce a piece of unfortunate news. The fifth-year students of Gryffindor have received their second test paper just two weeks after the start of term, along with an unprecedented amount of terrifying homework. All of this comes from the new professor—we must find a way to save this school from the shadow of test papers."
"It's their OWLs year! A few more test papers are nothing to be surprised about. Besides, aren't the sixth and seventh-year students doing just fine?"
A student from Ravenclaw scoffed at the Weasley Brothers' alarmist talk. It was just a few test papers; how had it become a "shadow"?
"Exactly. And you two know as well as I do, the Dark Magic—alright, the new name is still a mouthful, the 'Wizarding Magic Self-Defense Learning' course, I think that's it—the professor for that course never lasts a full year. By the time you two are in your fifth year, the professor will have been replaced long ago. We third-years will probably get a new one too. What do fifth-year test papers have to do with us?"
"Yeah, and besides, our professor this year is Lockhart. Even though the course has been completely changed to dramatic reenactments, which are incredibly boring, what do test papers have to do with us?"
"Do you really think those drama performances will last the entire year?"
George scanned the group, his gaze becoming extremely aggressive. "According to a reliable source, Lockhart received a stack of parchment from the new professor this afternoon. Do you think that was the script for a new play?"
"Stop acting like you don't care! According to the fifth-year students, all the test questions this time were on first-year content. Do you think a professor, when helping students review, would only prepare a first-year test?"
The previously cheerful group immediately fell silent. When the mountain of test papers was pressing down on the fifth-years, it was nothing more than a grain of sand to them, but if Professor Lockhart went to ask for test papers, then the problem would become serious.
"So, we go after the new professor? But we have no reason to. Besides, you two are both in detention. We're supposed to go and cause trouble for the new professor?"
The story of the Weasley Twins being sent to copy lines had been a running joke among them for half the day. They really didn't have the courage to go up against that ruthless professor who would even drag students who weren't his own back for detention. Belling the cat was a fine idea in theory, but that's all it was.
"No, he's the type who'd really take action!"
The Weasley Twins issued their warning almost simultaneously. That professor had a drawer thick with their violation records. How could Filch, at his age, not even watch a drawer properly?
"We go after Professor Lockhart. Make him stop being so boring, make him erase the very idea of a test from his mind. The annual final exams are more than enough; we don't need any more test papers!"
"Not so boring?"
"Haven't we been putting enough effort into the plays? I feel like the points I've earned from him are enough to cover me getting docked for half a month!"
"If Professor Lockhart thought the plays were enough, why would he want to hold a test? Is it because tests are a hotter topic of discussion among students than his plays? What a joke! We have to keep Professor Lockhart so busy that he doesn't have time to even think about tests!"
A professor's energy is finite, especially when teaching four years at once. If he discovered he simply didn't have enough time to grade test papers, then he would never organize a test in the first place.
"Impersonate female fans and send him letters?"
"He has more than enough fans already. Professor Lockhart has applied more than once to have students in detention help him reply to his letters. His room is never without owls!"
"Yeah, I agree. I saw it when I was replying to letters."
...
Was the circle of people who got detention really this small?
The group exchanged glances and saw nothing out of the ordinary.
"Submit letters to a newspaper, criticize his books, and start a debate?"
"Professor Lockhart has too many fans; he wouldn't even need to reply himself. Besides, no newspaper would dare to openly criticize a Hogwarts professor right now."
"Then what do we do?"
Only then did everyone realize they were helpless against a professor.
And so, the group's gaze quickly turned to the organizers of the meeting, the Weasley Brothers. When it came to pranks, the two of them were widely acknowledged as the best in the castle.
"Release some magical creatures? Use forbidden items? No, that professor is an explorer. He'd see through a student's trap easily. Those pranks wouldn't work on him—and I don't think it would grab his attention anyway."
"Causing a ruckus won't work... fan mail won't work... I've got it!"
George looked at the group mysteriously. "If you were a professor, and a first-year student who just arrived at the school came to you for advice on life problems and—uh, matters of the heart, what would you do? You wouldn't ignore them, would you?"
"Of course not—but how many problems can one student have?"
"If one isn't enough, we'll use more."
"You, you're a first-year Gryffindor girl."
"You, you're from Slytherin."
"Why me?"
"No reason. There has to be one from each House."
"One from Hufflepuff, and one from Ravenclaw?"
"Yes, a shy one, a generous but insecure one, and the type who's popular with multiple students. Make sure you imitate the tone. If you don't know how, read more books."
Fred assigned everyone an identity in need of help.
"What books should we read? Are you saying we should borrow them from the girls? Or go to the library?"
"Why bother with that? Just flip through Professor Lockhart's books. He'd definitely love the parts described in his own writing!"
In the dim classroom, one hand after another stacked up, and a scheme targeting a professor gradually began to take shape.
(end of chapter)
"Alright, everyone, why exactly have we gathered here?"
"Oh, come on, George. There are only a few of us. What 'everyone' are you talking about?"
Lee Jordan yawned, trying to cool down the indignant Weasley Twins.
It was Tuesday, and they had just endured three straight long classes. The moment they got a break, they were dragged into this empty classroom. Weren't the chairs in the Common Room soft enough?
"The situation is dire—Lee, do you really think we'd joke with you about an emergency like this?"
"Of course you would, George. The school year has just begun. I'm already on Filch's list, you two are saddled with detention, and as for them, the one with the least trouble has lost ten points for our House."
Lee Jordan bluntly shot them down.
The small group had forged a deep friendship in Filch's office; they were all good mates who had served detention together, so there was no need to mince words.
"You don't understand, Lee. The situation is so dire it's more terrifying than detention. Not even the secret passages of Hogwarts can save us now."
Fred rested a hand on Lee Jordan's shoulder, announcing with grave importance.
"I am here to announce a piece of unfortunate news. The fifth-year students of Gryffindor have received their second test paper just two weeks after the start of term, along with an unprecedented amount of terrifying homework. All of this comes from the new professor—we must find a way to save this school from the shadow of test papers."
"It's their OWLs year! A few more test papers are nothing to be surprised about. Besides, aren't the sixth and seventh-year students doing just fine?"
A student from Ravenclaw scoffed at the Weasley Brothers' alarmist talk. It was just a few test papers; how had it become a "shadow"?
"Exactly. And you two know as well as I do, the Dark Magic—alright, the new name is still a mouthful, the 'Wizarding Magic Self-Defense Learning' course, I think that's it—the professor for that course never lasts a full year. By the time you two are in your fifth year, the professor will have been replaced long ago. We third-years will probably get a new one too. What do fifth-year test papers have to do with us?"
"Yeah, and besides, our professor this year is Lockhart. Even though the course has been completely changed to dramatic reenactments, which are incredibly boring, what do test papers have to do with us?"
"Do you really think those drama performances will last the entire year?"
George scanned the group, his gaze becoming extremely aggressive. "According to a reliable source, Lockhart received a stack of parchment from the new professor this afternoon. Do you think that was the script for a new play?"
"Stop acting like you don't care! According to the fifth-year students, all the test questions this time were on first-year content. Do you think a professor, when helping students review, would only prepare a first-year test?"
The previously cheerful group immediately fell silent. When the mountain of test papers was pressing down on the fifth-years, it was nothing more than a grain of sand to them, but if Professor Lockhart went to ask for test papers, then the problem would become serious.
"So, we go after the new professor? But we have no reason to. Besides, you two are both in detention. We're supposed to go and cause trouble for the new professor?"
The story of the Weasley Twins being sent to copy lines had been a running joke among them for half the day. They really didn't have the courage to go up against that ruthless professor who would even drag students who weren't his own back for detention. Belling the cat was a fine idea in theory, but that's all it was.
"No, he's the type who'd really take action!"
The Weasley Twins issued their warning almost simultaneously. That professor had a drawer thick with their violation records. How could Filch, at his age, not even watch a drawer properly?
"We go after Professor Lockhart. Make him stop being so boring, make him erase the very idea of a test from his mind. The annual final exams are more than enough; we don't need any more test papers!"
"Not so boring?"
"Haven't we been putting enough effort into the plays? I feel like the points I've earned from him are enough to cover me getting docked for half a month!"
"If Professor Lockhart thought the plays were enough, why would he want to hold a test? Is it because tests are a hotter topic of discussion among students than his plays? What a joke! We have to keep Professor Lockhart so busy that he doesn't have time to even think about tests!"
A professor's energy is finite, especially when teaching four years at once. If he discovered he simply didn't have enough time to grade test papers, then he would never organize a test in the first place.
"Impersonate female fans and send him letters?"
"He has more than enough fans already. Professor Lockhart has applied more than once to have students in detention help him reply to his letters. His room is never without owls!"
"Yeah, I agree. I saw it when I was replying to letters."
...
Was the circle of people who got detention really this small?
The group exchanged glances and saw nothing out of the ordinary.
"Submit letters to a newspaper, criticize his books, and start a debate?"
"Professor Lockhart has too many fans; he wouldn't even need to reply himself. Besides, no newspaper would dare to openly criticize a Hogwarts professor right now."
"Then what do we do?"
Only then did everyone realize they were helpless against a professor.
And so, the group's gaze quickly turned to the organizers of the meeting, the Weasley Brothers. When it came to pranks, the two of them were widely acknowledged as the best in the castle.
"Release some magical creatures? Use forbidden items? No, that professor is an explorer. He'd see through a student's trap easily. Those pranks wouldn't work on him—and I don't think it would grab his attention anyway."
"Causing a ruckus won't work... fan mail won't work... I've got it!"
George looked at the group mysteriously. "If you were a professor, and a first-year student who just arrived at the school came to you for advice on life problems and—uh, matters of the heart, what would you do? You wouldn't ignore them, would you?"
"Of course not—but how many problems can one student have?"
"If one isn't enough, we'll use more."
"You, you're a first-year Gryffindor girl."
"You, you're from Slytherin."
"Why me?"
"No reason. There has to be one from each House."
"One from Hufflepuff, and one from Ravenclaw?"
"Yes, a shy one, a generous but insecure one, and the type who's popular with multiple students. Make sure you imitate the tone. If you don't know how, read more books."
Fred assigned everyone an identity in need of help.
"What books should we read? Are you saying we should borrow them from the girls? Or go to the library?"
"Why bother with that? Just flip through Professor Lockhart's books. He'd definitely love the parts described in his own writing!"
In the dim classroom, one hand after another stacked up, and a scheme targeting a professor gradually began to take shape.
(end of chapter)
